I get surprised at the level of contention found on a daily basis in the courts. Disputes that could have been settled if one person was just ready to negotiate on what they had misjudged themselves to be entitled to, or obligated to do, drag on and take along with them; peace, profit and productive time. But I also get delightfully comforted at how much time, money and energy people are able to save when they genuinely negotiate what had been thorny points of contention prior to the agreement to settle their dispute.
It is easy to win and let others win. It only takes research and sound counsel to determine what the proper aces in our hands are, willingness to negotiate in humility and integrity, patience with the faults of others, and a dedication to outcomes that is higher than the ego and timidity that prevent healthy relationship.
Truth and reality is that there is nothing easy about the list I’ve just prattled off. What draws the line of distinction around those who succeed in personally leading themselves to higher heights of achievements, and those who do not, is a complex mix of skills, qualities and attitudes that make a great difference.
We all have strong points and weak places in the journeys of relationships and transactions. When we hone the skill of negotiating every difficult place instead of getting stuck in fear, pride, or ignorance, we win much. To negotiate skillfully, you need to know the strengths of your situation and circumstances. Add to that knowledge, sufficient empathy and appreciation of what is blocking agreement in the other side, and you can press down the strength of the opponent. Add a willingness not to win on all your winning points, but to give some away so you can gain the final outcome, and you increase the balances in your favor. Add to this, the ability to communicate clearly and act with integrity, and you have the opponent leaning towards you instead of away. There is hardly a knot that cannot be disentangled with the mix of knowledge, empathy and integrity. Win and let win.